Start it up

There’s not much to say about a state of calm. It’s pretty static, pretty even. Also, it can be so enjoyable that I don’t want to write anything. I simply want to swim in the calm.

I’m through the latest upheaval. Now that the decision has been made and its reality has sunk in, the storm feels past. I’m in and out of the hospital this week signing papers, having images taken, heart activity measured. I don’t mind it. Hospitals don’t bother me.

I start the trial a week Friday. I’m not worried about it.

A couple of weeks ago, my psychiatrist was talking about how medicine is an art, not a science. I’ve been sitting with that thought for awhile, and I find it soothing. It’s easier to accept a lack of answers from art than it is from science.


About Alicia Louise

I'm a writer, editor, fact checker, storyteller, events organizer, chronically busy yet endlessly lazy, mildly neurotic (though I keep the neuroses well-hidden, one hopes) 32-year-old with recurrent ovarian cancer. I like people and good writing and straight talk. I have a hard time feeling sorry for people, including myself, but the people that I love, I love passionately; one may even say creepily. I try to keep that mostly to myself. I'd like to be charming, but I'm usually just a mess. I'm like a gull slamming into your windshield.
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2 Responses to Start it up

  1. Lovely image: swimming in the calm.

  2. Good for you. I know that calm, too. I’m glad you’re there. Sending good wishes!

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