I wonder if my oncologist reads my blog because she called me at 9:30 in the morning. The conversation took less than five minutes.

I’m going ahead (barring any unforeseen complications) with the clinical trial. AMG 386 has already been shown to have efficacy against ovarian cancer in previous trials (of note, I’m not in an ovarian cancer trial, rather a trial for people with solid tumors. I’m likely to be one of the only patients in this particular trial with ovarian cancer) and the risk — while not absent — is lower than some of the other anti-angiogenic drugs, like Avastin.

The one caveat, my doctor told me, is that clinical trials take up a lot of time. But that means I’m followed closely for any bad side effects. And the side effect profile in general is lower in these kind of targeted therapies than in conventional chemotherapy. So that means (hopefully) less fatigue and nausea and overall crumminess of feeling, though a whole other host of bizarre things are possible.

I feel my rage decreasing ever-so-slightly with this decision now made. And thus my mind will be free this weekend from mulling over what I should do with myself medically, which will help me better enjoy spending the holiday at a cottage somewhere in the Ontario wilderness.

Off to see the stars and jump in the lake.


About Alicia Louise

I'm a writer, editor, fact checker, storyteller, events organizer, chronically busy yet endlessly lazy, mildly neurotic (though I keep the neuroses well-hidden, one hopes) 32-year-old with recurrent ovarian cancer. I like people and good writing and straight talk. I have a hard time feeling sorry for people, including myself, but the people that I love, I love passionately; one may even say creepily. I try to keep that mostly to myself. I'd like to be charming, but I'm usually just a mess. I'm like a gull slamming into your windshield.
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2 Responses to Decision

  1. Terri W. says:

    I hope you find the lake envigorating. -T

  2. Regina says:

    Good for you!!! and I hope your psychiatrist read your previous post and is feeling really bad.
    I think you are a very intelligent and beautiful person and I wish that I could help you.

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