Monthly Archives: August 2012

Decision

I wonder if my oncologist reads my blog because she called me at 9:30 in the morning. The conversation took less than five minutes. I’m going ahead (barring any unforeseen complications) with the clinical trial. AMG 386 has already been … Continue reading

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Rage, rage

I am angry at my psychiatrist. Two weeks ago, I spent nearly an entire session talking about the option of stopping treatment. I was seriously considering it; the psychological toll was beating me down and if treatment wasn’t making me … Continue reading

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Loopholes

I wasn’t eligible for the trial. It was a Phase II trial with Taxol and AMG 386, an experimental drug meant to stop the formation of blood supply vessels to the tumors. I wasn’t too upset about being ineligible — … Continue reading

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Borders and breathing

Borders I’ve outlined borders of several relationships. Sometimes the boundaries of these emotional territories are marked with caution tape. Other times, the understanding that we occupy different territories is only implicit, the spaces not clearly demarcated. I am good at … Continue reading

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You can’t do it all and everyone dies

Ryan said to me, I don’t read your blog all the time but when I do it sounds like, I’m not sure, like you’re writing around things, I know there are things happening that you aren’t talking about and you’re … Continue reading

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When the disease declares itself

I look at the grass that wraps around the subway entrance at University and College and all I want to do is lie down on it, just spread-eagle face to the sky. This is the first sign that I am … Continue reading

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